01 april 2005
Ode to Control
by Julia Jergensen Edelman
Mornings just wouldn't be the same without
my controlpaste™. It tames the most unruly,
gravity-defying strands of my hair, keeping
them in their prescribed place until bedtime
does them part. Controlpaste™, applied
to my bangs, allows me to position them
just so overthe furrow between my brows.
Had I listened to my mother about my scowl
at age 13, perhaps controlpaste™ wouldn't
have such control over my morning ritual.
I
control my appetite. Rule the roost. Control
my temper. If I feel out of control I give
myself a time-out. If my day feels out
of control I stop, breath, and close my
eyes. When our kids are out of control
we try to rein them in. We set rules andlimits,
define boundaries and impose regulations.We
control our spending, limit our time, and
curb our enthusiasm.We control our drinking.
Limit our sugar intake. And resist the
temptationto eat fruit on an Atkins diet.
Today, right now, here's what I know I
can't control:
The temperature outside.
The temperature inside.
My husband's mood.
The gun under my neighbor's mattress.
My zebra finches' tireless quest to stick
carrot greens in their water
containers.
Our property taxes.
The potholes around the lake.
The fish that don't bite.
The fish that do bite.
My long lost friend in Vermont that won't
return my phone calls.
The interior designer who never did the
color consult I paid him for. He won't
return my phone calls either.
A newborn baby's persistent cry.
The look of contentment in a just-fed newborn
baby's eyes.
Sociopaths.
My control top pantyhose that are a size
too small.
My sister's blackouts.
My mom's broken hip.
The spring wind that blows through my freshly
coiffed, controlpasted hair.
Oh, there
are things that I can do to try to gain
or
recapture control. Letters to write. Threats to be made. Better
bait to buy.
But I'd rather set my sights
on tomorrow.
Tomorrow, the pest control
man comes. He happened to reach me as
I was rushing out
the door one day.
"Hi. ACME Pest Control here. We treated
your house for flying squirrels a few years
ago. Did they ever come back?" asked
the chipper voice when I answered the phone. "Have
any ants shown up yet in your kitchen?"
"Well, actually, your timing couldn't be
better," I told him. "Just the
other day our 6-year-old was bitten by
an ant while he was sitting on the toilet."
"That won't do," he said. "We
can come out next week and get your ant
problem
under control. No one should have ants sitting on their toilet."
Sometimes,
like the lion master in the zoo that turns his back only to feel a big furry
paw on his shoulder, the controlled becomes
the controller. When we spend an inordinate
amount of time controlling people, places
and things,we find out whom or what really
has the upper hand. Flying squirrels, ants,
and flyaway hair.
Julia Jergensen Edelman is
a regular contributor to MOMbo. Her essay, "Ode
to Toddlers," is on the NOW YOU
MOMbo CD set. Julia is the editor of The Phoenix Newspaper in Minneapolis,
MN, and a columnist for Dane County
Kids in Madison, Wisconsin. She has
two young boys. |
