01 feb 2004
Lilac Week
by Lucinda Anderson
It's Lilac Week in the place I live. And
this week my job as a mother is to be
completely present with my daughter as we celebrate
the heavy perfume present everywhere lilacs
are blooming... in the alley by the garbage,
out the kitchen window, between our lawn
and yours, at the bus stop, on the hillside,
in the park.
Hi, my name is Lucinda and I am the 53
year old mother of seven year old Lacinea.
We have a busy household just like yours.
Trying to balance our work and play, creative
and meditative time, chores, extended family
and friends, baskets full of shoulds as
well as effect social change. Right? Today
I've got to take Laci to school and go to
work all day, after that I've got to finish
writing a grant for a neighborhood program,
and take Laci to stilt walking class. Later
tonight I should plan the menu for a school
campout this weekend and an 85th birthday
party for my mother on Sunday night. Of
course there is supper, laundry, reading
aloud, practicing recorder,.... and that's
not my whole list but it's half of what
YOU’VE got to do, right?
So, where is the mothering? Who’s
got time for activism? Where is the balance?
It has to be found right there in the middle
of that messy schedule!
In this kind of life, where is the mothering?
Mothering is a new challenge for me. I've
spent many, many, many years having a job,
a business, a career and only seven years
being a mother. My biggest challenge in
being a mother, always, is being completely
present when I'm with my daughter--not on
the phone, or making lists, not trying to
hear the news, not trying to just get a
few more things done before bed. It breaks
my heart when I notice Laci just wanting
"a little loving" at the tired
end of her day and me thinking that my "to
do" list is more important.
I want Laci to remember my giving her plenty
of loving attention.
If you make time for conscious mothering,
then who has time for activism? I do. I'm
active all day long. I know how to take
on lots of work, volunteer to help, get
the thing done. I can raise the funds, organize
the event, and enlist the masses, But for
Laci, who watches me do these things, what
does it look like? Do we find time to laugh,
sing and dance in our revolution? or do
I come home and gripe about the work I’ve
taken on. I can just hear myself: “Don’t
let me volunteer for THAT again next year!”
I want Laci to remember me loving life,
loving the work I chose to do.
And where is the balance? I sometimes feel
like there are millions of people making
their living telling us what is going wrong
in the world and two people not being paid
to tell us what is going well. I'm not trying
to diminish the importance of our attention
on the need for change. However, balance
comes in part from our feeling good about
what is going on in our lives. We've got
to notice the reality that we are good mothers.
It simply not mathematically possible to
try as hard as we do and not be good at
it.
I have a friend who says that showing her
kids a positive attitude, some humor and
a careful thoughtful and delightful way
of living is the greatest gift she could
ever give them. It is at the root of all
self confidence and general joie de
vivre...
otherwise they spend a lot of their lives
working out what they were missing in their
childhoods.
I want Laci to remember me being confident
and happy. And I want her to remember that
every year her family celebrated LILAC WEEK.
Lucinda Anderson is a community activist
and mom in Minneapolis, MN. |
